Turn Around

Losing a friend was never easy. As you watch her walk away, you feel like you're the worst person in the world. Seeing her back facing you for the first time, you feel like there are millions of people trying to keep the two of you from each other. There are suddenly lots of people in front of you and you can no longer see her back.



You feel alone. There are probably two dozens of people in the corridor, but you feel isolated from all of them. It's as if you're in a dark room, all alone, and everything you see is from a large television in front of you. You want to go inside it, because you feel that if you would, you would be entering her world again. You would once again see her beautiful smile and she would laugh with you, and you would feel like the funniest person in the world, even though your joke wasn't even that funny.

You suddenly feel like crying. Your heart is sinking and sinking into a dark abyss you never knew existed within you and you feel that, eventually, you will come in contact with the ground and break into a million pieces and you would be able to see your memories flashing before your eyes just like how they describe death in movies. Except it doesn't happen.

You're just standing there, staring at where she once was, looking stupid, and feeling like crying.

You feel like the most unappreciative jerk in the world. You want to run up to her and tell her how precious she is to you and how much she changed your life and how she shouldn't leave you, but you can't. You stand there, thinking about your happy memories, contemplating on whether to cry or not.

You start walking. You know that if you cry, your friends will ask why and you will probably cry more, remembering the reason why the two of you can't be friends anymore.

You know it isn't fair. You suddenly remember when she told you, "Life isn't fair." because you complained about why the line for your favorite candy shop was so long and when you get to the front, all the large sized candies would probably be bought already and you would settle for the smaller sized ones, except you couldn't buy many of them, because candy these days are horrible overpriced.

You walk down the stairs, each step reminding you of how much of an idiot you are and how much you miss her already. You know that even if you start sprinting off to find her, she would probably be gone already. You chide yourself about why you wasted so much time standing there looking like an idiot when you could have been running to her and telling her how much she means to you. Meant. Meant to you.

You have to get used to the past tense now, because that's what she'll ever be. The past.

You have just lost your best friend. The though finally sinks in on your brain and starts sending lots of stimuli to your eyes.

You start to feel the tears flowing on your cheeks and making your blouse wet. You don't know what to do. When you go down, nobody would be there to tell you that you look ugly when you're crying. Nobody would be there to take you into their arms and tell you that you're such an idiot for crying over something so trivial--it wasn't trivial, of course, to you.

You feel that by taking another step you would be letting your feelings overweigh you and take over your whole body. You couldn't feel it, but you're swearing that your pituitary gland is acting like crazy right now.

You feel like the burdens of the whole world have been mounted on your shoulders--and your shoulders have never been very strong. You haven't reached the bottom of the stairs when you collapse on a step and start bawling like crazy. There are less people now and most of them hesitated before carefully passing you.

You want to undo everything--to turn back time and replay all the wonderful memories you've spent together  56 times. You remember her comforting you when you've been rejected and that you're probably crying now more than then. You remembering her telling you that there will be other guys, guys who will take care of you and cherish you. But your mind isn't set on guys right now--Heck, you're willing up to give up any guy just to talk to her again.

A vein in your heart is insisting that she is still there, waiting for you on the bottom of the stairs, even though every body part of yours says no. You don't know what to believe anymore. You know that fairy tales never come true--have know a long time already--but you know that you're not asking for a Prince Charming to save you from an evil dragon.

You're asking for your best friend to turn around and scold you for blocking the stair way.