I was so frustrated. I tried my best to keep her safe, yet she was gone. I kept blaming myself, knowing that there were things I could have done to prevent her from being gone. Thoughts of 'If Only' filled my heart and my conscience started getting guiltier and guiltier. I felt like I was disgusting. How could I have done this to her? I felt like I had betrayed her after all she's done for me.
I couldn't stop thinking about how things would have turned out differently if I had been more careful, more cautious. I couldn't stop blaming myself for this happening, my mind filled with thoughts of how horrible a person I am for letting this happen to her.
And that was the first time in a long time that I cried.
But the story doesn't end there.
It was morning, the sun shining in the sky so brightly that if things had been different, I would have smiled for the wonderful atmosphere. But, at that moment, nothing could make me happy. I was still in a stage of depression and I had no energy or motivation to get pass it.
Then I heard her voice. I first thought I was having a delusion, that I just couldn't accept the fact that she was gone and she was never coming back, but it sounded so real. I was so happy when I saw her. My heart was filled with blissful joy and I reverted back to my old self, if not happier.
The hours of non-stop searching, the seemingly endless tears that spilled into my pillows, the ache of my feet from walking so much, the constant calling of her name within three second intervals--It was all worth it.
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P.S. I was talking about my guinea pig.
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